Life is a Tragedy – ‘Fooled by Randomness’

So another semester is almost over and I think I bit off more than I can chew. Thirsting for a career change, I found myself overwhelmed by various competitions, the innovation challenge and asset management competition (I opted out for the security analysis due to lack of time), finance information sessions, course work , I-banking seminars, a full time job and throw in CFA level 1 in the mix. No wonder I have no life.

My mediocre performance this semester was not due to the amount of activities but by being fooled by random fluctuations of my egotistical being. My over confidence in the statistics exam (due to my quantitative background) led to my poor performance in statistics, heck I never had to calculate any probabilities in the exam but identify techniques, gees how lame and it cost me dearly. Knowledge of stochastic calculus could not have saved me in the final exam. I don’t know what is more depressing, an average GPA or knowing the fact that breaking into the finance industry in Toronto is extremely difficult given my current predicament. I now have to rely on my ‘superb’ networking skills (note the sarcasm) in order to land an internship at an investment bank. My new strategy cast my net far and wide - look beyond Toronto’s job market and let the chips fall wherever.

On a happier note, I am actually enjoying macro economics lectures. The professor is very inspiring, funny, and intelligent. This is what MBA school is all about. For the first time I never fell asleep in class. I think I’m actually gonna learn something in this particular course, perhaps a lifelong lesson, I can feel it. Basically for me, life is a tragedy, the stock market is down, I’m down, CFA is next week and my first economics assignment is due next week. But as Benjamin Elijah Mays once said – "The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach." It’s comforting to know at least I have goals whether I attain all of them in this lifetime is yet to be seen.

Lost and Grumpy – Post Econ Exam Trauma

“I have to disagree on your profile statement - some people go on a backpacking trip to Europe to "find themselves". In my entire life, I have never lost myself – you see, in order to realize your direction in life, I think you need to be lost at some point in life” said Bridget

“In all my life I always knew what I wanted and worked towards my goal, so I never considered myself lost in any point in time” I replied

“Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom and be lost before you realize and appreciate a sense of direction” another classmate chimed in.

I said, “My sister would always say that I was born with a gold spoon in my mouth because things in life seem to come my way”

My calculus teacher in high school labeled me as “all potential but never delivering”, “you seem to be getting by in my class without putting much effort, imagine what you can accomplished by some dedication and strong effort!”
Ok, so what if I paid my pound of flesh in previous lives (re-incarnation, law of karma), I guess for certain things in life I would not have to work as hard (or maybe I should always work hard regardless), perhaps it’s engrained in my subconscious mind that I am never lost! As the English novelist Aldous Huxley said "At any given moment, life is completely senseless. But viewed over a period, it seems to reveal itself as an organism existing in time, having a purpose, trending in a certain direction." Perhaps I have always envisioned myself in the “long run equilibrium curve” and thus never felt lost.

By what is really meant to be lost in life? To be without direction? Indecisiveness? Confused? What if you are lost your entire life, does that make you a loser?
In the ancient battle of Kurukshetra, Sri Krishna said “When you keep thinking about sense objects, attachment comes. Attachment breeds desire, the lust of possession that burns into anger. Anger clouds the judgment; you can no longer learn from past mistakes. Lost is the power to choose between the wise and unwise, and your life is an utter waste”

I guess it’s not a bad thing to be lost from time to time, but to be lost your entire life without finding yourself or your sense of direction - I guess you have serious issues.

Ok so this econ exam was not quite a breeze, it was more of a battle between myself and I. I think the icing on the econ exam cake was the game theory question, 2 party 3x3 strategy matrix, what was he thinking! Why not give us the ultimate game theory of the universe, 3 party, 11x11 strategies (ok if you did not catch my geeky sarcasm that’s suppose to represent the 3 realms of the universe, 11 dimensions per realm (aka string theory fused with ancient Indian philosophy)). Oh well, what’s done is done, I would not be surprised at my economics grade.

“Why are you so grumpy?” asked Bridget
To answer your question – I’m simply dead to the world, becoming a walking mba student corpse, hence I may look grumpy, but I’m not, it’s more of ridding myself of mixed emotions due to consistently average grades. Such is the life of a procrastinator. Hey maybe I’m lost after all (evil smile).

The Rotman Philosopher ?

So my classmate placed a link to my blog entitled - The Rotman Philosopher, hold your applauses please. Little does she know I am more like the Rotman Procrastinator! I can think of one hundred ways not to prepare for an economics quiz, surprisingly I did better in the more difficult quiz that the first one which was easier by far. I anticipate the last quiz to be the hardest and God have mercy on us for the final exam.

Honestly I’m relieved that we finally completed those supply and demand curves. I started having nightmares about those graphs. Interestingly enough, the game theory concepts are intriguing since it’s applicable to real life – life is an infinite repeated game of birth and death – the wheel of ‘samsara’ (according to East Indian philosophy) where we reap some benefits after every repetition, anyone caught deviating from the standard agreement would be punished for an extremely long time. Compare that to the Western philosophy – life is a single game – one shot to benefit – one chance to go to heaven. Like the saying goes, everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die.

So more to the fun stuff, accounting! For our individual accounting assignments we are to select to companies in the same industry and analyze their financial statements, comment on their financial heath, performance etc. Being a telecommunications geek, can you guess which companies I choose? Yup that’s right, the 2 main competitors in the US, Verizon and AT&T, with operating revenues of $88 billion and $63 billion. Someone is going to have fun crunching some numbers and spitting out ratios.

On a final note, what’s the deal with Bear Stearn’s High-Grade Structured Credit Strategies Enhanced Leverage Fund worth $6 billion? Come on Merrill Lynch, don’t ask for $800 million in collateral, ride the wave of risk on a fund with a 23% decline.
Which reminds me, the other day I went to my banker to purchase units in a Latin American and Asian Growth funds and she laughed in my face at said "Why these risky funds?", "I'm allowed to take risks in life aren't I". Perhaps I'll do a Merrill Lynch and withdraw upon alarming declines.

Journey from Island to Rotman via London

So I opted for a career changed from engineering to finance. I was London bound for postgraduate studies in finance at City University. I was excited about leaving my tiny island for the glory and splendor of London. Summer 2005 was the turning point in my life. What originally intended to be a summer trip in Toronto, ended up as a permanent move due to a last minute residency application approval by the Canadian immigration. I decided to look for a job in my field and depending on the success factor I would defer my plans for London. After a working a few months in one of the top 4 international accounting firms and making a deposit on the future purchase of a condo, I considered myself a “Canadian” and thus kiss my London dreams goodbye.

Immersed in my mundane IT job, and paying my mortgage, my dreams of pursuing finance as a career slowly faded. A random conversation with a current MBA student at Rotman sparked my interest in an MBA. There was light at the end of the tunnel after all. Early December 2006, I decided to prepare for the GMAT. My score in the January exams was not as I expected but I decided to pursue my Rotman application. The lone B-school I applied for. Living and working in the heart of the financial district echoed the sentiment – Rotman or bust.

Being the procrastinator I am, I submitted my Rotman application on the deadline. Did I mention I wrote the application essays only the night before? A week later I was called for an interview. To me that was a good sign. It was more of a social meeting than a formal interview for me. A week later, I received the “you are on our waiting list” letter. As far I was concern, I felt a sense of rejected – that’s what you get for not adequately preparing your B-school application.

Almost 2 months passed by, no news is good news right? My MBA dreams started to fade away, oh well I guess I would re-apply next year.On the day of the alleged MBA orientation, I received news over the phone that I was off the waiting list. “Ok so what does that mean?” I asked. “It means that you have been accepted!” Finally and it’s about time! I guess I beat the odds and this islander was granted a place amongst the 3 Year MBA students, the crème de la crème of Canada’s finest.
I completed 2 MBA courses and have several more to go; I’m in greater financial debt now that ever before. I’m supposed to be reading my financial accounting notes but I opted to resurrect this blog.

Living Philosophies

"Living Philosophies -The World as I see It" by Albert Einstein

How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people - first of all those smiles and well being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many,unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving. I am strongly drawn to a frugal life and am often oppressively aware that I am engrossing an undue amount of labor of my fellow men. I regard class distinctions as unjustified and, in the last resort, based on force. I also believe that a simple and unassuming life is good for everybody, physically and mentally.

I do not at all believe in human freedom in the philosophical sense. Everybody acts not only under external compulsion but also in accordance with inner necessity. Schopenhauer's saying "A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants," has been a very real inspiration to me since my youth; it has been a continual consolation in the face of life's hardships, my own and others', and an unfailing well-spring of tolerance. This realization mercifully mitigates the easily paralyzing sense of responsibility and prevents us from taking ourselves and other people all too seriously; it is conducive to a view of life, which, in particular, gives humor its due.

To inquire after the meaning or object of one's own existence of that of all creatures has always seemed to me absurd from an objective point of view. And yet everybody has certain ideals which determine the direction of his endeavors and his judgments. In this sense I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves - this ethical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals, which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the filed of art and scientific endeavours, life would have seemed to me empty.

Reflections of a Grandfather

(A speech I wrote for my grandfather's funeral Friday 8th April 2005)

Namaste,
In the Yogavasishtha Ramayana, Lila, the devoted wife of the ancient king Padma, propitiated goddess Sarasvati and sought immortality for her husband. Lila said “Tell me in short, Goddess Sarasvati, something more with regards to death, as to whether it is happy or painful to die and what becomes of people after they are dead and gone from here"
Goddess Sarasvati replied “Dying men are of three sorts and have different results upon their death. They are those who are ignorant, those who are versed in Yoga and those that are abstemious and religious."
Our beloved Aja was an abstemious and religious man. He dedicated his sweat, tears, love and his life to his family. Now he has departed this physical world, he is no longer a victim of this cosmic disillusion; he is on his continued journey to Brahma Loka (the divine kingdom of God).
The poet Khalil Gibran once said “You can find the secret of death if you seek it in the heart of life” and Aja discovered the secret of death because he lived a long and happy life in accordance to Vedic dharma.There was never a time when he was alone; he was constantly surrounded by the love and laughter of his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Aja was always present in every family gathering. Being the head of the household he kept the family grounded and together. Aja, now that you are gone who is going to keep us united as a family?

Aja was very strict person and very much overprotective and I am sure all his children and grandchildren agree to this. The phrase “At 6 o clock in the evening I will lock up everyone inside this house and nobody leaving” would forever echo in the ears of the grandchildren. One night we were all remembering and reflecting our life with Aja and one of my cousins told me that she believed that Aja quarreled with her the most. Parents quarrelling with their children are testimony of their undying love and affection and genuine concern.

Aja was a man of great physical strength. For an old man he was physically strong. There was nothing that he could not accomplish. This was due to his strong will power. He had the desire to do; he had the desire to live. I remember a time when I was walking home from school in the hot sun and I saw an old man trotting down the Main Road, upon closer inspection I realized that it was Aja. I approached him and enquired “Pa what are you doing walking in the hot sun all by yourself”. He said “I just coming from your Aunty Savi house, I went to cut the lawn and paint the fence”. Like I said, a man of great physical strength!

Apart from his physical strength, Aja had great memory skills. For a man of his age, he remembered everything. He would always keep us entertained with vivid stories of his childhood days. I remember whenever introducing Aja to any of my friends he would ask “Who is your grandfather? Yes yes I know him when I was a little boy growing up……” and then he would proceed to narrate a childhood experience. Aja knew everyone in the community and everyone knew him.

Aja spent 91 years, living a life filled with happiness. The Vedas refer to this as "the Man of long life," the one who has lived his life, who has fulfilled his life span, does not die; he does not experience a break and, thus, a trauma; he has simply consumed the torch and exhausted the fuel. On Aja’s last days in this world, I sat there looking at him, dying slowly and I wondered what were his final thoughts. The Bhagavad-Gita says that it is the last thoughts of a dying man that decides his next life. Lord Krishna says, "Whoever at the time of death remembers My real Being as the Supreme Lord attains my glory and in fact reaches My Being". I knew in my heart that Aja’s final thoughts were spent meditating on the Supreme Being.

Now that Aja has departed this world, he can no longer perform Agnihotra with us. No longer can he offer oblations into the sacrificial fire, but I know the flame of his life goes on and it burns in his sons, his daughters, his children's children, his friends, his work, and in his ideas which are scattered to the winds. Even his body, with its own energy, has already enriched the earth on which he has walked, the rivers in which he has bathed, and the living beings with whom he has been in communication and communion.

Aja was more than just a mortal man, more than a friend, a husband, father and grandfather. He was a legacy and the memory of his life will forever reside in our hearts. Life is continuous; the flower may fade but the fragrance floats. Aja’s physical body may disintegrate; but the immortal fragrance of his soul will always remain.

As I bid farewell to my beloved Aja, I wish to read these verses from the Rig Veda and the Atharva Veda.
“Immortal is the region of celestial bliss,
Where all darkness dissolves
And every wish and yearning,
Every noble aspiration finds fulfillment.
It is the heavenly place where the soul is liberated
And happiness is gained never to be lost again.
Let my heart turn towards the love of The Resplendent Lord, the source of all light,
Speed fast, then, O mind
And unite with the source of eternal bliss.”

Aja, “May your soul, enlightened with light divine,
aspire to unite with God and acquire eternal bliss.
Inspired by divine energy, blessed with all worldly gifts,
Rise above them all and aspire to attain ultimate salvation.
Ascend upwards to that blissful state;
Sail across through both the worlds.
May Godly powers unite you with eternity”

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
Namaste Aja

Thoughts of December and Everything After

Which is faster the speed of thought or the speed of light?
There were many times I would get lost in an avalanche of thought processes. My mind would consume itself. I would drown myself in chaotic thoughts. Deterministic thoughts with random like behaviour. The human mind is full of thoughts – random and never ceasing. It is impossible for the average person to stop these thoughts and the only way to get some control over them is to adopt a steady watching attitude. Without this, each thought will hook itself on to another thought and another.
The lyrics of such a song echoes in the emptiness of my mind…..”Close your eyes look deep in your soul step outside yourself and let your mind go…. Close your eyes and forget your name step outside yourself and let your thoughts drain”

One day a princess saved me from drowning in a cataclysmic labyrinth of my thoughts. She whispered into the emptiness of my mind, “ Why worry about things you cannot control”. Such a statement is simplistic yet profound. Most people including myself have tried to plan certain aspects of life, to shape destiny…. And sometimes get caught up in worrying about the success of future plans and they drive themselves into a state of panic. Such a people attempt to fashion a utopia based on the principle that chance favours the prepared mind; as a result, their lives are shrouded in frustration. They forget to enjoy the present moment. They lose part of their life. The princess taught me that the solutions to complex problems lie in the eloquence of simplicity and to my utter despair the princess flew away and left me with a vivid memory of an angelic smile would only fuel my thoughts of remembering the sweet textures of insane pleasures.

Thoughts generally fall into three categories -- remembering, planning and dreaming. If you are remembering, then you are lingering uselessly in the past, which can be both repetitive and obsessive. Just let it go. Don’t get involved. If your mind is busy with planning, you are thinking of the future, your aims, desires and hopes. Dreaming is self-explanatory. Do not get involved. Let the thoughts come and go without clinging to them.

After all that is said and done, after our mind is drained from all thoughts, emotions and desires we are left with the serenity of the soul, our true identity.

A Dedication to the Tsunami Victims

The "Butterfly Effect" is the propensity of a system to be sensitive to initial conditions, which is the essence of the chaos theory. The idea is that small variations in the initial conditions of a dynamical system can produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system. Such systems over time become unpredictable. This idea gave rise to the notion of a butterfly flapping it's wings in one area of the world, causing a tornado or some such weather event to occur in another remote area of the world.
So imagine the long-term effects a tsunami would have on the entire world.

The tragic events of December 26th 2004 would be eternally etched in our hearts. That was the day the sea swallowed the earth and approximately 150 000 + people perished. It was the day the gods cried. The screams and cries of innocent victims drowning in a macrocosmic tidal wave would forever echo throughout the world. The infinite labyrinth of tears would eternally be shed from the faces of mankind. Why do these devastating natural disasters take place in the poorest of regions in this planet we call earth?.............. Father Domenico : "If you would be kind... Would you tell us, where did we fail?" The Goat laughed, spoke three words, and vanished. "God is Dead."- James Blish, Black Easter

The dawn of a new year, early in the age of Aquarius and the words dedication, tribute, pain, sorrow, distress, suffering, life……. death …takes on an entire new meaning. I sit here in reverence, humility and utmost respect, to express my sympathy to the tsunami victims, to pay respect and homage to the relief workers. My thoughts go out to all thoses affected by the destruction cause by the tsunami.
Curse the sea…. Oh God why have you forsaken us? Is there really a God……? One of the attributes in which the theology of some religions describe God is that of “God the punisher” or “feel the wrath of God”. If such is the case then why did some of these innocent people deserve to die like this? Why were they punished? Why was the world punished? "You believe in a God who plays dice, and I in complete law and order." - Albert Einstein letter to Max Born. The science of chaos is forcing scientists to rethink Einstein's fundamental assumptions regarding the way the universe behaves. Chaos theory has already shown that simple systems, obeying precise laws, can nevertheless act in a random manner. Perhaps God plays dice within a cosmic game of complete law and order.

There is reason for everything in this world…… a reason of divine order… in Sanskrit called Rta – the cosmic order that binds this disjointed multi-verse together.
The occurrence of natural disasters, claiming innocent victims is part testimony of the theory of cause and effect…..karma… and the concept of reincarnation. The cyclic nature of natural disasters is God’s way of restoring Rta….. maintaining the cosmic order in which humans disrupt by way of bad actions….. innocent victims are either rewarded in another life or were re-paying their karmic debts to the universe.

Someone once told me that the theory of reincarnation seems far fetched…….. to me it makes complete sense…. It portrays God as being fair…A God of justice…..
What I find far fetched is blind faith….. Developing faith on a religion that does not explain the science of the universe or the nature of the soul or the divine attributes of the omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent God….. a religion that would damn me to hell just because I call God by another name……a religion that condemns other religions, a religion that have slaughtered non believers.(No blasphemous or sacrilegious undertones intended…. I respect everyone’s belief). Ancient civilizations of the world believed in a omnipresent God, in that the presence of God pervades the universe and thus they personify attributes of nature in their God worship. Such a people were deemed pagans and many were slaughtered. Now look at the forces of nature in motion.

The events of December 26th 2004…..has ushered a greater respect for Prana- the breath of life in Sanskrit…… the phrase…”live everyday as though it is your last” makes perfect sense now. Do not fear death… for it is part of the circle of life…… It is only seemingly a paradox to affirm that a strong will to live entails an equally strong will to die. If the will to live is a realistic will to live a real life and not a whimsical desire for an imaginary life, we must recognize that inasmuch as real life is lived under the existential condition of death, death itself has to be taken into account and equally willed. To desire to live and not to desire the same degree of death that life may contain is not a realistic desire to live but a mere product of our imagination, which seeks to grasp at an illusory "life."
The great poet Khalil Gibran once wrote:
“For what it is to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what it is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when the earth shall claim your body, then shall you truly dance”
As the poet said, “You can find the secret of death if you seek it in the heart of life”.

I dedicate this verse from the Atharva Veda (written in Ancient India 5000 B.C), to all the people who have lost their lives in the tragic events of December 26th 2004.
“May your soul, enlightened with light divine, aspire to unite with God and acquire eternal bliss.
Inspired by divine energy, blessed with all worldly gifts,
Rise above them all and aspire to attain ultimate salvation.
Ascend upwards to that blissful state;
Sail across through both the worlds.
May Godly powers unite you with eternity”

Innocence

The Innocence of Children

My one year old niece would only cry when she needs changing or if she is hungry, otherwise she is constantly laughing. Even when she gets up from sleep she would look you in the eye and give you the sweetest smile. She is friendly and playful amongst strangers, however, around certain strangers she would cry out aloud as though she is in pain. Could it be that she can detect the aura of people? Or sense the true nature of people just by being in their presence?

Have you ever looked at a new born baby sleeping? Do you ever wonder if babies dream.... what exactly do they dream... after all their brains haven't fully developed. My niece would sometimes smile when she is sleeping, mother said that angels are whispering in her ears. My sister, being a dcotor, said that is a reflex action with babies.

Nothing is more precious than laughing and playing with kids, to me that is the true fountain of youth. And sometimes kids say the darnest of things, the pure innocence of their thoughts are reflected by the cutest statements they would make or the questions they would ask. The poet Khalil Gibran truely convey the meaning of children in his book The Prophet......... "And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children.........

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you."

Merry Christmas

Ticket to Toronto, Canada - $500 Cdn
Christmas presents - $700 Cdn
Watching my niece and nephew opening presents - PRICELESS!!

Destiny or Free Will?

Over the weekend I looked at two of my favourite movies on cable, Serendipity and The Family Man. These movies attempt to portray the concept of destiny by using a romantic scenario.
“The plan doesn't make us great, Jack. What we have together, that's what makes us great.” – Kate from The Family Man.

“Don’t screw up the best thing in your life just because you’re a little unsure about who you are. Okay?” – Arnie from The Family Man.

Serendipity concluded with Jonathan’s fake obituary, which end with the phrase:
“…..Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather, it is a tapestry of events that culminate into an exquisite, sublime plan. …….If we are to live life in harmony with the universe we must all possess a powerful faith, of what the ancients used to call fatum; what we currently refer to as destiny.”

This brings me to the question; do you believe in fate/destiny or free-will? Destiny and free will has baffled the scholars and philosophers from time immemorial. It is the most misunderstood and misinterpreted subject in the philosophy of life. The Vedic sages of ancient India were very clear in understanding this subject. To understand and differentiate between fate/destiny or free will, one has to understand the concept of karma and reincarnation. Vedic philosophy, states that the divine spiritual and physical worlds are inextricably connected and sustained by cosmic order in a disjointed multiverse, and that any actions performed in either realms affects the status of all others. The theory of karma states that there is a universal accounting system in which each individual must experience the consequences of all his actions (Karmas); good actions bring good results and bad actions inevitably result in suffering to the one who does them. The theory also states that the consequences of actions (also known as Karmas) need not necessarily be experienced in the present life, they can be carried over into future lives. Because of this, several sub-divisions of Karma have been postulated.

1. Sanchita Karma. The store of Karmic debts accumulated from previous births.
2. Prarabdha Karma. That part of one’s Sanchita Karma which must be worked out in the present life. Because the law of Karma implies determinism in human activities, Prarabdha is often translated as destiny.
3. Agami Karma. New Karma accumulated in the present lifetime which is carried forward into future lives.

Everyday in our lives we have the power of free will, the ability to make choices. What we perceive as fate or destiny is really the manifestation of past karmas, i.e. the consequences of past actions in our previous lives. Bad actions disrupt the equilibrium of that cosmic order which sustains the spiritual and physical multiverse, where as good actions attempt to stabilize the equilibrium of that cosmic order. Depending on our past actions we are born into a better life or a life of misery. We a trapped into the cycle birth and death until we have paid our debts to the cosmic order which sustain spiritual and physical realms. In order to be liberated from the birth-death cycle, one can either live several lives of noble actions which would then clear the debts of bad karma or one can attain the state of self realization by ridding the mind of worldly and egotistical afflictions though various forms of yoga and meditation.

Again, the concept of destiny is really the consequences of past actions. In each life we are born into, our life is predetermined to the extent that each one of us enters the world with impressions (which in Sanskrit are called “samskaras”), which are the primitive emotions and tendencies that motivate our lives. They are impressions carried over from our past lives in our subconscious minds which motivate desires, and in turn produce our thoughts and actions. Thus, human beings reflect their inner ideas on the outside world and their perceptions are colored by their past experiences. Our actions follow the avenues of our own karma in tracing us, but our will at each moment is free to fashion our future karma. It is determinism to the extent that it is shadowed by the unchangeable law of karma, but life which is guided by free will does not follow any preordained pattern. Vedic philosophy has always denied the existence of a merciless fate that would play with human beings as it pleases. On the contrary, the sages have undeniably declared that human beings have control over their actions, but their actions have no control over their results.

Because everything in the spiritual and physical realms are inextricably connected, our past lives are imprinted in the vibrations of the universe and the planetary configurations. Vedic astrology is the philosophy of discovering and analyzing past impulses and future actions of both individual and nations in the light of planetary configurations. It explains life’s reactions to planetary vibrations. Astrology has been called the science of indications, but it does not follow that the stars rule our destiny. The stars merely record a destiny that has already been formed. They are then a symbol, not a force, or if their actions constitute a force, it is a transmitting energy, not an originating power. The planets do not dictate, but indicate the energies that are influencing a situation in a given time. Astrology therefore indicates what happen in our past and is it used as an indication of what could happen in the future, however, we posses the power of free will to steer our lives in a particular direction keeping in mind that we are yet to experience the consequences of our past actions.

So in a nutshell, fate and free will are essentially two sides of the same coin, in that fate is really the consequences of past actions and free will the ability to choose our present actions.

The Unconscious Mind

In my last blog “Reality or illusion”, a comment was made on deja-vu and the commenter speculated that in our dreams we are sub-consciously reliving a past/future situation at a different point in time. A friend of mine who was also inspired by the contents of the blog as well as the comment made, shared a dream she had and indicated that she would remember her bad dreams and forget the good ones and she proposed a optimistic theory that maybe her bad dreams would not occur in her lifetime and her good dreams are yet to occur in her life to give her that deja-vu feeling.

The pioneer of psycho-analysis, Austrian born neurologist Sigmund Freud, negated the positivism thought of the western world in the 19th century which stated that people can acquire all knowledge via the gross senses/body. Freud says that just as the conscious mind –latent in our senses, is a means to obtain knowledge; similarly without any help from the senses, our unconscious mind is a great means to get knowledge. Conscious mind functions in the area which is bound by space and time; unconscious mind functions in the area which is not bounded by space and time, it is free to wander anywhere it desires crossing the barrier of space and time. Thus, the unconscious mind can see that area which for a conscious mind is a period of past and future and is beyond the scope of conscious mind. The area for conscious mind is the present and closeness to matter; the area of unconscious mind is past and the future –remoteness. Freud says that we are compelled to acknowledge that ‘priory knowledge’ rests in unconscious mind, such knowledge where the distinction of space and time does not exist. The existence of past and future happenings is visible before it without the gross senses. That sight, that knowledge is not bound in the bond of cause-action; that knowledge crosses the limit of causal basis.

Those who can remember previous lives or those who predict the future which later proves to be true in intervening time; or those who dream of such happening which never occurred at present but do happen with time- all this knowledge is through the unconscious mind. The knowledge contained in the Vedas, written in Ancient India 5000 B.C. clearly describes the unconscious mind, in the following verses:

That celestial entity (the mind) which goes far when man is awake and wanders similarly when he is asleep and which travels far and wide is the only one light of all lights.

Through whose agency the patient wise men perform their works and which is mysterious and is seated in the innermost recess of all creatures.

That which is endowed with the faculties of cognition, recollection and retention and that which is the immortal light placed within the self of all creatures and without whose agency no work can be accomplished.

The immortal substance by which all events of the past, present and future are fully comprehended and which presides over the senses and intellect.

As the skillful charioteer controls his horses by the use of his reins so does a controlled mind take men to his desired goal. This mind which reposes in the heart is most swift and never ages.

Reality or illusion?

Today I went to the dentist, to have a filling done on my tooth. I was handed a mirror so I could view what was taking place in my mouth. When I saw what was taking place I started to clench my fists and my facial expressions showed me anticipating pain, however it was impossible to feel any pain because of the anesthesia. I then thought how funny it is our mind can play tricks on us. When I was unable to view what was taking place, I was calm and collected, the minute I had a chance to see what was taking place I starting to become tense, in anticipation of pain.

Only through our senses (sight, touch, taste, smell and hearing) our mind can be aware of the state of our physical body, and based on what our senses report to our mind we then make decisions. In the case of people who have some form of mental illness, their minds experience things that aren’t necessarily what the senses experience. The point I am trying to make is this, if we are in full control of our mind, then we would be in full control of our senses and of our body. It is said that the ‘Satan’ lurking inside us, is really a result from an uncontrolled mind/body. For someone who is not in full control of their mind/body, they tend to make decisions they regret, they “live in the heat of the moment” and thus make spur of the moment decisions without rationally thinking about the consequences of their “rash” decision. I know we are all human beings and we are prone to make mistakes, however, if someone is making the same mistake over and over, then they need to do some inner reflection.

Another question is how can our mind differentiate between reality and illusion? This brings me to a famous dialog between a master and disciple.
“Why do you insist that my normal self is unreal?” a disciple once complained to his master.
“Why not put it the other way,” the master replied. “What makes you think you are real?”
“It’s obvious ,” said the disciple. “I think and feel and act. I know myself for who I am, with all my habits, my likes and dislikes.”
“Yes but what do you really know?” the master insisted. “Did you have your habits when you were asleep.”
“Of course not. I am unconscious when I am asleep.”
“Perhaps you are unconscious now.”
“No right now I am awake.”
“Really?” The master smiled. “Can you remember everything that happened to you yesterday? Or even what you were thinking an hour ago? Isn’t your self-awareness very selective, amounting to just a partial memory? And then there have your dreams, which you lose as soon as you wake up. Not to mention that your habits and preferences are always changing, and even when you do seem stable, don’t you emotions often betray you? An insult from a passing stranger can completely throw you off balance, or the news that someone close to you has died. Isn’t there also the problem of being lost in wishes, false hopes and various mental illusions?”
The disciple looked baffled. “All this may be true, sir, but none of it makes me unreal. Perhaps I am just very confused.”
The master shook his head. “If so, then everyone is just as confused. The truth is that what we call a person is constantly in flux. There are long stretches of forgotten time, not to mention our lapse of consciousness when we sleep. Memory is faulty, and only the mind’s craving for continuity keeps alive the illusion that ‘I’ is constant. ‘I’ is never constant. For every experience there is a different ‘experiencer’.”
“I am beginning to see what you mean,” the disciple said with considerably more humbleness. “Although you make it seem that nothing can be trusted.”
“Nothing about the changing personality can be trusted,” said the master, “But there is more to life than experience. Things come and go- feelings, events, and achievements. Pleasure is inevitably followed by pain. Success is bounded up with failure. Yet behind all of this show of change, something remains aware at all times. Find out what that awareness is and you will have what can be trusted. This is the way out of illusion."

The famous paleontologist and philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; We are spiritual beings having a human experience."

Purpose in Life

Sometimes I would ponder on the purpose of my life. What am I suppose to do? What am I suppose to accomplish? After completing an undergraduate and postgraduate degrees in engineering, I feel as though I have accomplished nothing, in that I have made no contributions to society. Sometimes I would reflect on my life and wish I had not procrastinated as much as I did, I felt as though I could have done better.
During my graduate internship, I was expressing my sense of hopelessness to a friend and she responded "You are young and very educated, you have the world at your finger tips, alot of people would want to be in your shoes." It's funny how we beat up on ourselves, creating a false perception of personal failure, whereas an outsider would see tremendous success and accomplishment within us. Only then I realize what I have achieved and that I have a long path ahead of me, I have more goals to accomplish in my life. Success is sometimes bounded in failure, the key is, to make that failure a learning experience.
After spending time reading and reflecting, I have finally understood that the purpose of life is to reach a threshold point where we see every aspect of life, whether it is joy or sorrow, success or failure as avenues of discovering our inner self, our true identity, our purpose for being here and contributing to the upliftment of mankind. In Hinduism, this is known as self-realization. According to the English novelist Aldous Huxley, "At any given moment, life is completely senseless. But viewed over a period, it seems to reveal itself as an organism existing in time, having a purpose, trending in a certain direction."